so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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