so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
