The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
