Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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