i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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