I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
