when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
