Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
