I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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