I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
