hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
