So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
