Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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