I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
its not stalking. its research.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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