It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
