Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
