She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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