I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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