the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize