i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
