I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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