i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Come on in and take your pants off
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