Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
