She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
