how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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