I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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