I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
