I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
