Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
