I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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