cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
