The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
