Porn is love you can see.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
