HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
