Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize