okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
