She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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