My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
