I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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