Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
