I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
