By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
