Whoa Z and x make the same sound
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
