why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
