my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I touched a dick in church today
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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