The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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