Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
