I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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