I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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