I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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