so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize