If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
