No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
