Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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