Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize