sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
