physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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