Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
