I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
