We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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