My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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