you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
