no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
