can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
