Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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