I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
