It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
