i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
