Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize