I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I intend to get homeless drunk
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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