I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
